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Well..

Suddenly I’ve this intense urge to write something, to write; I miss writing I think. I think it was a lot easier when I was a kid; I used to experience something and always wanted to document it, give it some form of words; immortalise the feeling through words. Now I think I am just fine internalising a lot of things, experiencing them, revisiting more in  my mind than through words, and don’t want to immortalise but rather keep it momentary or time bound. Well whatever it is, the conundrum of things remains as is; and I remain as perplexed and bewildered as always. Just that I say less and absorb more. Feel more and talk less. Visit, revisit but there’s still an  urge to write. Ok, I have to have dinner now. 

Love

 Loving the silence of these moments, feeling the universe as bubbles inside my heart, smiling at the unknown stuff, knowing that there’s nothing more to know, this in itself is enough. There’s this calm. There aren’t any questions. There aren’t any answers sought. There’s bliss in being. It’s overpowering everything else.  Ok.. I have liked  to revisit, a visit makes me feel stranger, but it’s fun.  Hmmm it’s kinda ok. Not everything needs logic. And that’s quite a logical way of thinking about it :) I deny to what I don’t affirm. This is absurdly so absolutely liberating. And I love that you do the same. Exactly same. The layers are engrossing. The vision needs to be so sharp to catch what lies at the bottom. With experience, it gets easier. Once it gets easier, the layers vanish. Were they ever there?  Love the sheer sense of ease.  The tall mountains, the snowy peaks, they stay with me. 

after years!!!!..

For the past couple of days or weeks.. or in fact months, I had been feeling restless. Things in life sometimes go my way, sometimes don't. Sometimes I like what is happening, sometimes I don't. I let myself ebb & flow in such situations because somewhere I know such things are bound to happen and part of life/growing/learning. Then suddenly a strange feeling began to creep in. I think this is how my mind is. Even when everything is seemingly perfect, I find a way to discover things that I'm missing or things I "might be" missing but am not aware of. I think I haven't been able to put it properly but it's something like that. So I "analyzed" my life. All right, I've been an analyst, this is what I'm supposed to be best at doing. I tried to understand and differentiate between which things I love, like, dislike or hate in my life. To my relief, there was almost nothing that I could classify into the last category. (just noted the &q
I need to travel and travel a lot. This is crazy but I almost continuously keep dreaming of snow clad mountains.!!
Beyond the distant stars, beyond the blue deep skies, beyond the unfathomable horizons, beyond the mystic universe, there's something that is so inviting, so enticing and so candid. 

More notes

My strength lies in being myself and not getting impacted and disheartened by illogical comments. Sometimes you don't want to write rather want the words to slip away into oblivion. One such moment is right now. Want to close eyes and fly. I cannot read what I write at times. I try to but have to stop in between. Makes me feel strange: 'is that me' kind of feeling. May be because it becomes tough to relate, given the momentum of how my thoughts (and I) change. So when you travel, you get to know yourself more. You get to hear what generally goes unheard in the chaos. Roaming among random people at random places on random roads gives a kind of awareness that is so unique. It's like revisiting yourself and discovering what you never knew exists.  The auto rickshaw wala telling that one of his daughters is CA and the other is pursuing engineering- and his explanation of how education is more important for girls than boys.. Just wanted to note this mome

Notes from phone

Let go of little things. Peace of mind is more important. Finding perfection in everything isn't possible. Striving for it is. The only thing I need to be aware of is  Very strong note to self: I need to stop getting drifted away by small things and should not lose focus. It's so easy to get drifted away. I'm not lost, I'm finding myself. Somehow same things mean different today, it's evolution I understand, but whose. What changes? It's interesting to dwell but seems useless, for this shall also change. So I just want to believe I'm learning through the observations and learning the right way. And I don't know what I mean by this 'right'.  Cool confirms I'm as confused, may be more than when I started writing. Sometimes you know some people so much that you confuse yourself with them. The days when I'm so totally in some different world. Not soon but someday definitely I would solve the puzzles, the