after years!!!!..

For the past couple of days or weeks.. or in fact months, I had been feeling restless. Things in life sometimes go my way, sometimes don't. Sometimes I like what is happening, sometimes I don't. I let myself ebb & flow in such situations because somewhere I know such things are bound to happen and part of life/growing/learning. Then suddenly a strange feeling began to creep in. I think this is how my mind is. Even when everything is seemingly perfect, I find a way to discover things that I'm missing or things I "might be" missing but am not aware of. I think I haven't been able to put it properly but it's something like that.

So I "analyzed" my life. All right, I've been an analyst, this is what I'm supposed to be best at doing. I tried to understand and differentiate between which things I love, like, dislike or hate in my life. To my relief, there was almost nothing that I could classify into the last category. (just noted the "almost" that I wrote in the sentence, it's funny, but I think I wrote that since an analyst needs to keep some space for error) Anyways, so there're things that I absolutely love,and want to continue doing. There are also some things I dislike, but they are just Ok. I cannot do much about them and I'm fine with continuing doing them them. And then there's this long list of things that I do and like and there're things that I don't do but would love to do. and this is where I need the change. I need to identify what I love and do more of that and reduce more of what I just "like". this is getting confusing but in my head, this is quite clear.

and that was the moment when I realized that I used to love writing & I used to love reading & I used to love helping others. None of the three I have been doing lately. I feel I've lost something, but I'm glad with this realization. I don't know how I'll add more of these activities to my life, but I "need to". darn.. i remember how i always wanted to write a book. makes me awfully sad that I won't be able to do that, but then that's just one of those so many things tht i always wanted to do. some of them i might be able to do..  i'm missing myself :( and feeling sad. actually not sad, i am happy doing the so many things I love & like, but perhaps feeling nostalgic.

i hope whatever i'm feeling right now, I continue to feel. and feel to an extent that it drives me to extend my "love to do" list. & that I don't forget this after half n hr and continue the way things are (just to return to this feeling again in some weeks/months/years) really hope so. let's see. what i'm feeling right now is :( :)

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