after the piano rondevu

dil dhoondta hai,
that was the song mridula sang for a moment on stage n yesterday's session. After missing home and friends for more than an hour, the song came as a wonderful gift. a message, an insight, a lesson, a learning: everything packed in a bundle came to me.
It's a quiet early morning of the first day of July. While standing in the balcony, watched a flock of snow-white birds flying across the sky. For a moment, felt like stretching my arms and flying with them to all those distant skies I long for. And in the very next moment, felt like folding hands, looking up, closing eyes, and saying a silent prayer. From me to Him. And after doing that, was surprised how I couldn't ask for a single thing which I might have loved to ask for, and how overwhelming that moment is when you needn't say a word, for the one beyond the skies already knows you, knows you so well.

Had a long (fairly long I must say) talk with a friend yesterday. liked it/her.

Back to my room, she sleeps at 4 after completing her studies. I wake up at 5 to complete my studies. So the lights of our room are turned off only for an hour everynight, which-is-sort-of-funny. I'm learning how to sleep in lights.


and I'm writing crap. Total crap. Waiting for it to come out whatever it is.

It is difficult to find out what's in future. It's a lot simpler to find some immediate happiness. But if everyone opts for the simple thing, who will do the hard work?

Lying flat in bed
Deadly listening to Floyd
Rambling guitar
Shizophrenic lyrics
One word could make this perfection.
One note on guitar could make this pure.
Utter.

I long to breathe deep and write real
I long to exhale pure poetry
White syllables that cling to the truth
But reality, dear
Long to let go

Hunger for it bad enough
You must. You must. You must.
Why?
Why else are we here
if not to learn how to be here
And survive Here
And in the moment we die
We will die with the suddenly acquired knowledge we long to give the living
And again there will be incompleteness and anger
And we will stomp out of this world as we have walked angrily out of every room
Slamming the door behind us
Firm in our resolve to never return
And how quickly resolve fades
And the soul is reborn
And the room is crowded again
And like those first few seconds in which you see your family at the airport after a long trip
The world seems RIGHT again
For seconds, mere seconds of pure perfection
That forgets reality
And allows you to not remember the original sin
But it comes back as it always must
And on and on and on it goes
Ending where, we all too well know.

Calm, my golden child, calm down
Sleep. Rest your glittering eyes.
Harden but be beautiful
Mellow but don't be soft.
Tremulous you arise from the sea
Tremulous you shall fall.

Look! The world, it moves!
It has patterns and rhythms imperceptible and brilliant
Naked and translucent
Beautiful and incomprehensible.
Sit for a moment and observe
Breathe in the gentle rocking
And try to feel the imperceptible loss
Feel.
Feel yourself fading.
Feel.

Let the colors dissolve.