Music and blah blah:)

During the past couple of months, so much has happened. I always wanted to write my thoughts here, but somehow I end up writing everything in mobile notes. These are random notes, some got deleted, some still here. Watching a rain is so peaceful. It's so overwhelming the way music answers all my questions.. pacifying all the storms occurring in my head.. enabling me see the beauty of little things. The so much triggering inside as if finds its answer. How I see it is so different from how you see and yet it's just the same. Your letting me be me is the love in its truest form. In this moment, I have lived a zillion lives. I wish I could express. This moment brings to me the wonder in its purest form. I don't know who I'm, why I'm but I can feel the truth of being, I can feel the love, faith, beauty. It's a wonderful moment. Somewhere a bud is unfurling, somewhere it is. Unknown yet familiar. Isn't it perplexing? Its in fact sweet. Sweet li...

you tell me stars have a language, mountains grow taller, Bukowski still writes Neruda doesn't know love. You tell me Italy is the place, mirror is an occasional lier, silence means counting infinity. Earth, sometimes, abhors spinning. You tell me clouds hold our secrets angels live in flowers butterflies are little girls raindrops are like prayers You tell me the different meanings of seasons how buds gradually unfurl how leaves change their colors how flowers lose their fragrance how we live our lives in circles Y'know sometimes I feel there is a meaning to it all there is a meaning to what you say there is a meaning to what you do not say, but convey. I am tiny. I am little. I was mad. Now perhaps sane. But I still connect the dots to draw the paths you have planned for me. Stars are spilling light. Night is cold. It is December, again. You tell me you are close by. Too close that I am afraid to to...

middle of the night, and I'm unable to sleep. Lost in music. I am unable to sleep because I'm unable to not keep listening to this song. which is crazy. so I came to the other room, ensuring that his child-like sleep isn't disturbed. from the huge window adjacent to where I'm sitting right now, I can see till so far... cos there aren't any huge buildings on this side of the city. I can see the distant lights, the kind of view I loved to gaze during train journeys at night. It was almost like this. feels like i'm reliving those moments... yahi to hota tha...  I used to listen to songs, watch out of the windows, the sparkling stars or the moon or the distant lights in an otherwise complete darkness. even then, it was so captivating that it didn't let me sleep the whole nights. some pleasures and moments are too beautiful to be wasted sleeping. right now are one of those. i feel so content, so peaceful, so quiet in such moments.... untouched by the noise of...

when the quest unfurls, but the questions vanishes, it is amazing. I'm not quite sure if this is right, but I know for the time being, it is the best in every manner.  And, it makes sense, more sense than most of the things. I've been going through a lot of confusion, a lot of random wanderings, a lot of questioning & subtle realizations. The realizations are also confusing, sometimes they mislead, while at others, they appear so meaningful. I know that whenever such confusion has happened in the past, I have believed  in my intuition. I have always clung to my innermost feelings & beliefs. Somehow, this time around, even that is tough. Good thing is I've everyone's support, bad thing is some doubts creep inside me out of nowhere (or okay!! I know from where, but let it be). I haven't felt this kind of hustle for such a long time now. I know I should, need to and will go by my intuition. I just want to clarify this to the doubts that ring in my head eve...

So while it take years to gain knowledge and sanity, a moment is more than enough to wipe off all that wisdom. There's only one truth that there's no truth, which in itself is an oxymoron. Our minds are too weak to construe the depths existing within us. While I sleep, I am awake. While I'm awake, I am somewhere else. I walk miles, while standing at the same place and sometimes even after walking for like hours, I am exactly there where I started. Not an inch moved. In this moment, I am moving with the stars, into the infinite space, into oblivion .

Sometimes I get moved by something so much that it becomes tough to locate myself. I HATE this kind of “getting drifted away” feeling, makes me feel so helpless, but some things have such a strong intensity, that I cannot stay unmoved. Kurt Cobain. I cannot write about him. I just want to mention his name, for the kind of truthfulness and the passion he had but didn’t know.

I'm not sure where it all leads to but I haven't been so clear in my thoughts before. I haven't felt such ferocious need before. We must make our dreams our need, our need our reason, and our reason our life. No life can be more fulfilling. I cannot ever connect to certain people. Not because they are bad, they are just fine in their way, it's because the way I feel about something is so different than they do. It's not better or worse, its different. I don't feel 'thrilled' in what makes them feel thrilled. And what thrills me may not impact them at all. All this just makes me more me. Randomness of life.